Off to Portland

I am leaving tomorrow for a super last minute trip to Portland. I have been having a rough time lately dealing with some things. I am just looking forward to spending time with some dear friends and getting some perspective. Well Just wanted to let everyone know where I was. I'll be back in Wednesday. Pray for me if you remember. I really need it right now. 

"In time of prosperity be happy, But in times of adversity consider this, that God has made the one as well as the other." Ecclesiastes 7:14

Processed.

Hm well I have some strange and exciting news. My dad had a kid before before I was born and because of extenuating circumstances he was put up for adoption. I call him my Dad's love child. He is three months older than my brother Chad. I think you can put two and two together. 

I knew about him since I was sixteen. I thought about the possibility of meeting him someday, well someday is soon. He contacted my dad last week before he left for AZ.  He lives in Kennewick. He has a daughter. So I guess I have a niece as well as a nephew. He looks like Chad. He was out up for adoption when he was two. I was a new born so I obviously have no recollection of him. His name is Kevin. My mom didn't want to raise him so my Dad gave him up. 

I feel guilty. I had our dad in my life. To me my dad was my hero growing up. The perfect image of what I thought a dad should be. I am not judging my Dad in his choice. Rather I wonder why I had him there for me, supporting me and loving me and Kevin didn't. I want to know Kevin. I feel burdened for him. I know nothing about his life. I know nothing about him. 

I think my dad must feel remorse. The person I know as my Dad wouldn't give up his children. What made me more important then Kevin? 

Once again the Lord has brought me to a place where all I can do is trust him. It's what it always comes down to for me. God is always asking me to trust Him fully. I know God is sovereign. He is always beckoning me to take my trust to the next level. Am I fully relying on God. I don't think I am. My first reaction was not to pray. My first thought was not that God is omniscient. As I write this it helps me see God in it. I am processing and learning to trust. 

I didn't want this to affect me. I wanted to cover my feeling with humor and not let people see that I am hurting. If I am overwhelmed than Kevin is probably much more so. I don't think that he is a believer. So pleas pray for him. That he could deal with all of this in a way that brings him closer to God. Hm what a week, what a week. 

Wherever you are...

I am sitting in my room and looking down in to the valley. What a wonderful view that greets me each morning. I feel happier this morning than I have in a long time. I feel relaxed and at peace with the world. 

The sun is shining and birds are chirping. It sounds a little like a episode of Mr. Rodgers.  My mind has been reflective lately. Maybe because I have lived in one state for a whole year! While I haven't lived in one town for more than three month intervals. The ways of a wanderer have grown on me and In my soul I fell the wind pulling me to other parts of the world. I want to experience life outside of this culture. I desire to see others live their lives in a foreign way to me and learn to love that way of life. 

I know in my head that God has provided for me here and I am thankful for that provision. I have a beautiful house, two jobs and great friends. 

Partly I am afraid that if I stay here too long I will become complacent and never live anywhere else. I will remain my whole life in one city and will just remember the dreams I once had of going other places. 

As I end this post this quote from John Elliot came to me."Wherever you are be all there, Live to the hilt every situation that you believe to be the will of God."

So while I am having feelings of discontentment, God is faithful to me. What a good reminder to be present where God has you. I will continue to work on being satisfied with where God has me in life. 

my week overview

Well I finally know what is wrong with me. Well at least concerning my health! I have something called Gurd. So I just have to take Prilosec for a month. So praise God that it is nothing serious.

I went to a Casting Crowns concert this week. Edi took me with her. It was really fun. It was kind of weird but while we were hanging out at the fair before the concert the band members were just walking around. Edi recognized them. So I went up to them and got their autographs. It was a neat experience. Nobody else noticed them but after I went up and met them then a group of people started taking pictures with them. We had earthquake burgers and I had a scone of course. It was a really good fair experience. We were there just the right amount of time. Thanks Edi for taking me.!

I am now working at the coffee shop that I was volunteering for. I had my training this week. It is nice to be working more. The people that work there are really great and it makes for a fun work environment. So I will be working alot more. My hours at Poverty Bay are picking up and then I will be working two days a week and Beyond the Bridge. You should come visit me. I work tuesday nights and sunday afternoons. It is in the Old Cannery parking lot.

I moved in to the Oldright's grandma's house. Jill and I got our stuff in on tuesday. It is sooooooooo nice to have a bedroom. I have a walk in closet and a huge bath tub. I am so spoiled. I am so thankful for God's amazing provisions in my life. I put all my books on my book shelf and hung all my clothes up. It may seem mundane to you but it was really exciting for me. My room is still clean and it has been two days since I unpacked. If you know me at all you know that it is a miracle. I have decided to try and be organized. You can pray for me. I don't like organization! :)

Uhhh I have more to write about but this is already too long. Well sorry my posts are so inconsistent. I am going to get better. Once I have my own computer I will post more. Hey I am getting so good at this blog lingo. I didn't even have to think about calling it posts insead of blogs. :) Jenaya

Chantal's Blog

Hey everyone! My dear friend Chantal has decided to get a blog. You may remember that Rachel and I were going to write a blog about Chantal but that only lasted about a week. This is a blog that Chantal started all on her own. If you don't know chantal you should . She is one of the funniest people I know. I tell her she is my entertainment in life. She is a good listener and talker. :) I think that you will really enjoy her blog. So check it out! anewcreationinjesus.blogspot.com
Update on my sickness all is the same not worse not better. Thank you to all the great friends that I have praying for me. I really appreciate it. Even Rylie decided to pray for me all on her own. I am so blessed to have friends that care so much. Well I love all of you and

update on health

Real quick. I got a blood test back today and everything is normal. I feel like I was just faking it and being overly dramatic. :) But I am feeling better today. Maybe God just miraculously healed me. This way I didn't have to get surgery. :) Well thanks to everyone for the prayers and concern. I Love all of you and am thankful for your support in my life. 

God is Sovereign and Massages are nice.

Well I went to the ER yesterday. Jani took me to Tacoma General. I was poke and prodded for like five hours and at the end of the day I still don't know what is going on. My stomach has been hurting for like a month. I was put on a low fat diet and told to drink lots of water. 

I was pretty upset yesterday. I ate a hot dog and had chips and basically rebelled against the diet. I payed for it later. :) But today after prayer and reflection. I am happy that I don't have to have my gall bladder out. I know that I don't have an ulcer. God is sovereign and is in control of what goes on in my body. He knows what is wrong. 

God is so faithful in reminding me to trust in him for everything. Time after time he teaches me to trust him in everything. Every time I forget he uses something in my life to show his control in my life. No matter what I am going through God is faithful. He has proven that He can provide me a beautiful house to live in, a job, a surrogate family and now I am learning to trust that God can heal me if he chooses or give the doctors wisdom to discern what it is that is ailing my body. Thank you for those who have shown concern and been praying for me. 

On a different note Jill and I went for massages today for her birthday. It was the most wonderful hour of my life. I feel so relaxed and at peace. I have lots of tension in my back. It was sooooooo nice. The massage therapist was awesome. I feel all wiggly and out of it so I hope this post makes sense. 

life

Well I haven't really written anything lately. I have just been posting pictures. They take less time. Not that I have been busy I have just not had anytime in front of the computer.
Well what is new with me. I registered for classes at Green River Community College. I am taking History, Math and College Writing. Should be fun. I am just trying to figure out how to pay for it now. With only minimal hours at work.
I have been going to this coffee shop in Sumner called Beyond the Bridge Cafe. I go in there almost everyday. The owners and most of the employees are Christian so I have become friends with them. They are struggling to keep their business afloat and the asked me if I wanted to volunteer their during events and such. Since I have no life and I really like the coffee shop I agreed. :) So you should go get some excellent coffee. It is in the Old Cannery parking lot. :)
Jill and I having been working out together. We are doing this deck of cards workout. It is kicking my butt. You go through a deck of cards and the red is push ups and black is sit ups. You do the number of sit ups or push ups on the card. We did it on Sunday and we only got through just over half the deck. We have been doing Pilates too. That is a little less intense but still good. Well I hope that this satisfies everyone who bugs me about my lack of posts. (Not blogs.. Right Amy and Ryan???)
Have a good day.

Cannon Beach, Cannon Beach and more Cannon Beach.

These are pictures from my last two visits to Cannon Beach.

Becky and I crashed the Woods vacation at the Oldright's cabin. We had amazing enchiladas made by Amy. Ryan taught me how to skip rocks. It was fun. Hope you enjoy the pictures.

My little nephew Gavin Joseph Born 9/29....

Discipline and Dependence.

I am reading the Disciplines of Grace by Jerry Bridges. I was reading about discipline and dependence. Bridges paraphrases 1 Corintians 3:7 which says: "So that neither the one who plants or the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth." Paul meant this in reference to ministry and that is always how I have read it. But when you apply it to your life it is a good reminder that God is the one who causes growth for your spiritual life. He talks of two extremes. One is being passive in your walk with God. Expecting growth with no effort. Bridges writes, "The Holy Spirit does not do the work for us; rather he enables us to do the work. We often use the expression 'Let the Lord live His life through me.' I am personally uncomfortable with this expression because it suggests passivity on our part. He does not live his life through me. Rather, as I depend on Him, He enables me to live a life pleasing to Him."

What an excellent reminder to not become passive with our faith. John Owen also puts it well. He says: " But out duty and out Grace are nowhere opposed in the matter of sanctification; for the on absolutely supposes the other. We cannot perform our duty without the grace of God; nor does God give his grace other than to perform our duty." We can rely on God completely while still putting work in to our spiritual walk.  

Another way is that we depend to much in spiritual disciplines. I think that I lean more in this area. While reading your bible and praying are wonderful things to be doing the act itself is not what causes growth. Like i said before it is God who causes the growth. We can be reading our bibles and praying all we want but if God is not in the equation nothing will happen. Bridges says " But those disciplines are not the source of our spiritual strength. The Lord Jesus Christ is, and the ministry of the Holy Spirit to apply the strength to our lives. This goes back to 1 Corinthians, we can plant and we can water but God causes the growth. This is such a good reminder in two ways. One to be completely and humbly surrender to our Lord. To be wholly dependent on him for everything, especially our spiritual growth. Second to not be lax about our faith. To always be striving to know God better. I am so thankful for this simple yet profound reminder to rely fully on God. 

While not putting it this way I think that if I follow a set mandate for spiritual growth then I will grow. I realized through reading this chapter that I do not rely fully on God for spiritual strength. I in essence rely on myself. Because I am the one deciding to read my bible and pray. Bridges tells How Jonathan Edwards had seventy resolutions to govern his spiritual conduct. Talk about being disciplined but at the beginning of his resolutions he wrote this:

. " Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God's help, I do humbly entreat him, by his grace to enable me to keep these resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will for Christ's sake." Jonathan Edwards. 

I am humbly entreating God to enable me to be more disciplined with full reliance on Him. 

updates on my life.

Wow! It has been a really long time since my last post. Well I went to Arizona to see my folks. I had a really nice time. It was culture shock because their was like 15 people staying in the same house. I have had my brother Bryan with me this week. He is visiting from Arizona. Also been an adjustment because I am so used to doing my own thing by myself mostly and then all of a sudden I have this fifteen year old boy with me all the time. Don't get me wrong I have really enjoyed spending time with Bryan. It has been good to get to know him again. I am used to being the orphan wandering around from house to house. With a fifteen year old that is hard. :)
I am house sitting for the Lents this month. I am horrible allergic to something in their house. I have been sick since I got their. It sucks! Well this is short and I will hopefully post something again soon.

hmmm...

I really appreciated Ryan's sermon on Sunday. I think that I needed to be reminded that no one is out of reach for God's grace. Sometimes I see how far away some of the people I love are from God and think that they will never come into a right relationship with God. But I need to consider more that it is only through God's grace that I am walking with Him. He is the one that draws me to him each day. I should be thankful for the amazingness of that. I did not on my own accord decide to follow Jesus. I think that is something that, while I know, I should be living out more. Just because outwardly I seem to be taking all the right steps toward God, sometimes inwardly, I am in rebellion to my Savior. I am, without God's ,no better than the worst of sinners. I get so caught up in making sure that everyone thinks I am doing right, that I forget to actually check myself and make sure that I am doing it all for God's glory and not my own. I also get jealous of families that have such great relationships with eachother. I am frustrated with the fact that I am a part of a family that is so disconnected. All of this to say I am not having a thankful heart. Sure sometimes I do but alot I don't.
I want to do ALL things for God's glory. So when I pray for my friends and family I want to do that out of a true concern for their souls and not because it is what I should do. I want to be honest with my own sinfullness so that I can be more in tune with God's grace. I want to be painful aware when I am doing things to please others and not God so that I can ask God to re focus my attention back to his Kingdom. I want to never forget the wrath that God took me away from so that I can be constantly thankful for his Son. I am sick so my head is foggy so I hope this makes some amount of sense.
I will leave you with a verse I have been thinking on lately.
"For the mind set on the flesh is death but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace."
Romans 8:6

Pictures from my day at the zoo!

Some of these are just of the cute animals and some are of the cute kids. The one of Rylie and Me by the polar bear is funny because I squatted down to be on her level but then she squatted down like me. Thanks Amy for the picutres! Again I had fun! Thanks Angela for inviting me and getting me in for free! Well hope you like to pictures.

Musing from my busy life!

Well today I went to the zoo with Amy, Angela and their respective children. It was really fun. I think that I ended up playing with Keagan and Rylie more than hanging out with Amy and Angela. It was fun though to see the kids excitement over the animals. I saw this lady who come to my coffee shop regularly and she thought Rylie was my daughter. This proves my point that I look thirty. Now their is nothing wrong with looking thirty but when you are twenty-one you want to look you age. 

I am soooooo busy this week. I thought that I would have tons of free time but as it turns out I have almost no free time this week. I have managed to fill up everyday with stuff to do. Maybe there is a reason why I had this week off. I was really irritated at first that I wasn't getting that many hours but it seems that God knew that I needed time to get stuff done. I have orientation on friday to start school at Green River on Monday. I have to take my compass test and actually apply! :) I don't even know for sure what classes I will be taking. I don't procrastinate or anything. :) I actually should get an award for being the biggest procrastinator on the face of the planet. 

Last night Jill and I went to Shenanigan's on the waterfront in Tacoma. Their desserts are super yummy and only two dollars. We walked up and down the waterfront. It was really nice. We talked about school and favorite authors. It was a good time. I worked out last night while I was watching this lifetime original movie called Fat Like Me. This girl who is a skinny jock goes undercover as a fat person for a school project. It was a good motivator while I was working out. 

David Johnny and I went to lunch on tuesday and we mapped out some activities and such for the summer. We are going to have a movie night at the church on the lawn. We were trying to decide what movie we would play. I suggested Enchanted and they wanted to watch Lord of the Rings, and any other guy movie you could possibly imagine. I also thought that Pride and Prejudice was a great movie too! :) Well I think we decided that they would choose a guy movie and I would choose the girl movie and we would show both. 

I got the rest of my stuff from my grandma's house today. See what I mean about being busy and on Monday I had dinner at Aaron and Becky's house. Usually I have maybe one or two things going on in one week. I have like three things everyday! It is nice to be busy but I just don't do well with a full calendar. What am I going to do once school starts! Oh man if I ever get married and have kids I don't know how I will handle it. That's probably why I'll be single forever. I can only handle myself. I am alot to handle. :) Ryan says that is why I have to get married because I need someone to keep me together. Well I must go I am off to the Lent's to learn how to mow the lawn. :) 

Risk, the game of world domination!

I am trying to memorize Romans 8.  I have about the first 8 verses down-ish.  I have only been saying them in my head. So If you see me ask me to say them to you. I really enjoy memorizing so I want to try and do it more. 

 I am at the Hood Canal right now with the Oldrights. We played Risk, the game of world domination. Johnny and I were the last two playing and we stopped for the night. Johnny said that he would be okay with saying that he won. But if you know me at all I will not give up a fight until I have absolutely lost! I told him that I would be okay with saying that I won. I played so much risk my student year at Ecola. Luke and his friend were always playing and since I was hanging out with Rachel and she was hanging out with Luke was always around a risk game. So I got a little practice. I am not much good still. The game is going to take forever because neither John and I have a strategy. 

Hopefully tomorrow is nice out. I want to not be cold for a whole day. I talked to my Dad today and he said that it was one hundred degrees out. Well I miss everyone who I won't see at Church. It is nice though that I don't have anything going on at Church. I won't know what to do with myself. No sunday school and no children's church. Weird. :) Well I have most of next week off so I am going to go down to Green River Community College and try and see if I qualify for free school. Angela, Amy and I are going to the zoo in wednesday. I am really excited! I haven't been to the zoo in years. It should be fun. hopefully I'll have pictures. I actually have quite a few things going on next week.

I went to the progressive dinner in friday. Jill came with me which was really nice. It was her first ladies activity. She and I had a great time. It has been nice to have another single girl my age around. Well I need to go to bed. Until next time. :)

As of lately.

Well I have been at the Oldright's house for one week. They haven't kicked me out yet!  YAY!!! No it has been really good. Everyone has been great. My last post has caused quite a stir! I won't go in to it. I think that God has predestined that I will not be mentioning the C word on my blog anymore. :)

My hours at work have been cut way back. Next week I only work 5 hours. That doesn't even pay for a tank of gas anymore! So I may look for another job. Becky and I went to coffee and dessert today. It was really nice to just sit and talk. I haven't seen much of The Blosser's lately and I miss them. :(

Rachel made some changes to her blog all by herself. This is a huge feat for her since she is not the most computer savvy person. You should probably congratulate her! Someday she will not have to call me every time she needs to change something on her blog. Until that day I remain her faithful and supportive technical support. 

I might be going to school this summer. Green River is offering free schooling to 250 students with low income. I definitely qualify! Especially since I am only working 5 hours. They pay for books and everything! It would be awesome if it worked out. I am praying that God's will be done.

Pastor David and I met for lunch today. We went over ideas and thoughts about the high school and college ministry. I am really excited to help out with both and to see how God uses David in our church. I have to go to bed now. I have to open tomorrow and wake up at 5AM!!!!

Ugh! 

Jenaya

Moving once again... :)

Well I decided to stay with the Oldrights for the month of June instead of my friend Addie. Jani offered to let me stay last sunday. I was having trouble deciding where to go. Both were good options. The Oldrights live closer to my work and church. Plus I know all of them fairly well. :) They have been really great. Jani has been making sure that I am comfortable and well fed. I was worried at first that I would be intruding on their family time but they have been welcoming and inviting. Jani says I fit in because my name starts with a 'J'. I guess Bob is the odd man out. :) 

After I am done house sitting for the Lents Bob and Jani asked me to house sit Bob's mom's house until it sells. Which is pretty awesome because It is huge for one and two I would be there all by myself. I have been longing lately to live by myself. I am sure after a little bit I might get lonely but Bob and Jani live a couple houses down. What an amazing answer to prayer. God has not only provided a place for me to stay but a mansion. Praise God for his continued provision. 

on nothing in particular.

Chantal and I went for a walk today. It was really nice. We both want to lose a little weight so it was nice just to get out and get exercise. It has been fun to stay the week with the Bassham's. They are both really funny and keep me entertained.
My friend Isaac was here for A day. He lives in The Dalles. I have for the last week or so been talking to him about Calvinism. I have just been showing him verses that support certain points. He gets really defensive. I try really hard to not argue with him. I just want to discuss it. Hopefully it will get him thinking. I have just as of late, due to certain books that have been recommended me by Ryan, really grasping the idea of God's sovereignty. Sure I believed the God is sovereign. But really deepening my understanding of this aspect of God. He asked me why I was so intent on getting him to think on it. I just love how it has strengthened my relationship. It gives every aspect of my walk more fulfillment.
Last night I hung out with a friend. She went to master's and I have been thinking about going there in a year. I wanted to get some insight in to the school. She loved it. Master's is really expensive but it is really quality college. I guess I am just thinking out loud. I just don't know...
Well something to pray about. I really don't have that much to blog about but I want to get better at writing more posts. So this one is all over the place. Nothing that exciting has happened in my life since two days ago. Something to leave you with. I am right now wearing a Tye dye headband. :)