Processed.

Hm well I have some strange and exciting news. My dad had a kid before before I was born and because of extenuating circumstances he was put up for adoption. I call him my Dad's love child. He is three months older than my brother Chad. I think you can put two and two together. 

I knew about him since I was sixteen. I thought about the possibility of meeting him someday, well someday is soon. He contacted my dad last week before he left for AZ.  He lives in Kennewick. He has a daughter. So I guess I have a niece as well as a nephew. He looks like Chad. He was out up for adoption when he was two. I was a new born so I obviously have no recollection of him. His name is Kevin. My mom didn't want to raise him so my Dad gave him up. 

I feel guilty. I had our dad in my life. To me my dad was my hero growing up. The perfect image of what I thought a dad should be. I am not judging my Dad in his choice. Rather I wonder why I had him there for me, supporting me and loving me and Kevin didn't. I want to know Kevin. I feel burdened for him. I know nothing about his life. I know nothing about him. 

I think my dad must feel remorse. The person I know as my Dad wouldn't give up his children. What made me more important then Kevin? 

Once again the Lord has brought me to a place where all I can do is trust him. It's what it always comes down to for me. God is always asking me to trust Him fully. I know God is sovereign. He is always beckoning me to take my trust to the next level. Am I fully relying on God. I don't think I am. My first reaction was not to pray. My first thought was not that God is omniscient. As I write this it helps me see God in it. I am processing and learning to trust. 

I didn't want this to affect me. I wanted to cover my feeling with humor and not let people see that I am hurting. If I am overwhelmed than Kevin is probably much more so. I don't think that he is a believer. So pleas pray for him. That he could deal with all of this in a way that brings him closer to God. Hm what a week, what a week. 

Wherever you are...

I am sitting in my room and looking down in to the valley. What a wonderful view that greets me each morning. I feel happier this morning than I have in a long time. I feel relaxed and at peace with the world. 

The sun is shining and birds are chirping. It sounds a little like a episode of Mr. Rodgers.  My mind has been reflective lately. Maybe because I have lived in one state for a whole year! While I haven't lived in one town for more than three month intervals. The ways of a wanderer have grown on me and In my soul I fell the wind pulling me to other parts of the world. I want to experience life outside of this culture. I desire to see others live their lives in a foreign way to me and learn to love that way of life. 

I know in my head that God has provided for me here and I am thankful for that provision. I have a beautiful house, two jobs and great friends. 

Partly I am afraid that if I stay here too long I will become complacent and never live anywhere else. I will remain my whole life in one city and will just remember the dreams I once had of going other places. 

As I end this post this quote from John Elliot came to me."Wherever you are be all there, Live to the hilt every situation that you believe to be the will of God."

So while I am having feelings of discontentment, God is faithful to me. What a good reminder to be present where God has you. I will continue to work on being satisfied with where God has me in life. 

my week overview

Well I finally know what is wrong with me. Well at least concerning my health! I have something called Gurd. So I just have to take Prilosec for a month. So praise God that it is nothing serious.

I went to a Casting Crowns concert this week. Edi took me with her. It was really fun. It was kind of weird but while we were hanging out at the fair before the concert the band members were just walking around. Edi recognized them. So I went up to them and got their autographs. It was a neat experience. Nobody else noticed them but after I went up and met them then a group of people started taking pictures with them. We had earthquake burgers and I had a scone of course. It was a really good fair experience. We were there just the right amount of time. Thanks Edi for taking me.!

I am now working at the coffee shop that I was volunteering for. I had my training this week. It is nice to be working more. The people that work there are really great and it makes for a fun work environment. So I will be working alot more. My hours at Poverty Bay are picking up and then I will be working two days a week and Beyond the Bridge. You should come visit me. I work tuesday nights and sunday afternoons. It is in the Old Cannery parking lot.

I moved in to the Oldright's grandma's house. Jill and I got our stuff in on tuesday. It is sooooooooo nice to have a bedroom. I have a walk in closet and a huge bath tub. I am so spoiled. I am so thankful for God's amazing provisions in my life. I put all my books on my book shelf and hung all my clothes up. It may seem mundane to you but it was really exciting for me. My room is still clean and it has been two days since I unpacked. If you know me at all you know that it is a miracle. I have decided to try and be organized. You can pray for me. I don't like organization! :)

Uhhh I have more to write about but this is already too long. Well sorry my posts are so inconsistent. I am going to get better. Once I have my own computer I will post more. Hey I am getting so good at this blog lingo. I didn't even have to think about calling it posts insead of blogs. :) Jenaya

Chantal's Blog

Hey everyone! My dear friend Chantal has decided to get a blog. You may remember that Rachel and I were going to write a blog about Chantal but that only lasted about a week. This is a blog that Chantal started all on her own. If you don't know chantal you should . She is one of the funniest people I know. I tell her she is my entertainment in life. She is a good listener and talker. :) I think that you will really enjoy her blog. So check it out! anewcreationinjesus.blogspot.com
Update on my sickness all is the same not worse not better. Thank you to all the great friends that I have praying for me. I really appreciate it. Even Rylie decided to pray for me all on her own. I am so blessed to have friends that care so much. Well I love all of you and